Jackanories
A very merry time ago, a long, long way away
There once was a garden, underneath a mountain
Where the fairies came to play
They’d laugh and prance and dance about
And sing and shout, with joyful noises
Then sit ‘round the fire when they got tired
Telling their tales and happy Jackanories
Tom was their King, Kathryn-Blossom their Queen
Their daughter, Lamorna, the prettiest Princess there’d ever been
They held their court in a ring of roses
With pansies and daisies and celandines for the ladies
With the Prince in the corner playing games with the babies
And the jester would tickle their gossamer wings
And they’d all sing their songs and Jackanories
One day that girl Jill, the child of a Miller
The sister of Jack, the famed giant killer
Fell asleep at the foot of that mountain
After taking a drink from a magic fountain
The fairies came, took her, down a secret tunnel
She woke in the garden, on the edge of a jungle
Where mefergrags hunt and fermetidums stalk
Where trees can be best friends and stones can talk
Jill was afraid because she’d heard stories
But the fairies appeased her with their Jackanories
The fairies said ‘Be our Prince’s bride
And we’ll give you riches all of your life
For no fairy girl here has captured his love
So, we had to go looking in the world above’
Jill looked at Norbert, for that was his name
Then begged the fairies ‘take me back to the glade
For he’s bald and rat faced, fat and all poorly
Don’t try to beguile me with your Jackanories’
‘But, yea, oh my darling’ Prince Norbert said
‘I’ll put a golden crown on your beautiful head
I’ll kiss you and give you every wish of your heart
Hold you close when you’re lonely and afraid of the dark
And yet, more than this, I swear that it’s true
I promise to honour and always love you
I’ll braid your hair with diamonds and pearls
And command a new song from the royal song birds
I’ll pick flowers and rainbows for you every morning
And fill up your soul with love’s Jackanories
I’ll sing you ballads and write you sweet sonnets
Paint a picture of beauty and put your face on it’
But there was one thing that the Prince couldn’t tell
T’was that a wicked witch had put him under a spell
With a curse of cruel magic that could only be broken
With words of true love for him, honestly spoken
For, on that day, on that very hour
The charm on poor Norbert would lose all its power
For such is the world of fairies and wonders
Marvels and mysteries, and Jackanories
Jill’s spirit was lifted with his words of romance
And before she knew it she started to dance
And sang ‘I will marry you! Yea, I was so wrong
For this song in my heart tells me you are ‘the one’’
And with that proclamation she paid the ransom
A light shone ‘round Norbert; he turned tall, dark and handsome
And the garden was filled with the fairies’ choruses
Hymns of rejoicing and jolly Jackanories
A very merry time ago, a long, long way away
There once was a garden, underneath a mountain
Where the fairies came to play
Beneath that big hill Prince Norbert married Jill
And lived happy ever after; and they’re living there still
So, if you get up early on a midsummer’s morning
You may just hear their limericks and their Jackanories
A very merry time ago, a long, long way away
There once was a garden, underneath a mountain
Where the fairies came to play
They’d laugh and prance and dance about
And sing and shout, with joyful noises
Then sit ‘round the fire when they got tired
Telling their tales and happy Jackanories
Tom was their King, Kathryn-Blossom their Queen
Their daughter, Lamorna, the prettiest Princess there’d ever been
They held their court in a ring of roses
With pansies and daisies and celandines for the ladies
With the Prince in the corner playing games with the babies
And the jester would tickle their gossamer wings
And they’d all sing their songs and Jackanories
One day that girl Jill, the child of a Miller
The sister of Jack, the famed giant killer
Fell asleep at the foot of that mountain
After taking a drink from a magic fountain
The fairies came, took her, down a secret tunnel
She woke in the garden, on the edge of a jungle
Where mefergrags hunt and fermetidums stalk
Where trees can be best friends and stones can talk
Jill was afraid because she’d heard stories
But the fairies appeased her with their Jackanories
The fairies said ‘Be our Prince’s bride
And we’ll give you riches all of your life
For no fairy girl here has captured his love
So, we had to go looking in the world above’
Jill looked at Norbert, for that was his name
Then begged the fairies ‘take me back to the glade
For he’s bald and rat faced, fat and all poorly
Don’t try to beguile me with your Jackanories’
‘But, yea, oh my darling’ Prince Norbert said
‘I’ll put a golden crown on your beautiful head
I’ll kiss you and give you every wish of your heart
Hold you close when you’re lonely and afraid of the dark
And yet, more than this, I swear that it’s true
I promise to honour and always love you
I’ll braid your hair with diamonds and pearls
And command a new song from the royal song birds
I’ll pick flowers and rainbows for you every morning
And fill up your soul with love’s Jackanories
I’ll sing you ballads and write you sweet sonnets
Paint a picture of beauty and put your face on it’
But there was one thing that the Prince couldn’t tell
T’was that a wicked witch had put him under a spell
With a curse of cruel magic that could only be broken
With words of true love for him, honestly spoken
For, on that day, on that very hour
The charm on poor Norbert would lose all its power
For such is the world of fairies and wonders
Marvels and mysteries, and Jackanories
Jill’s spirit was lifted with his words of romance
And before she knew it she started to dance
And sang ‘I will marry you! Yea, I was so wrong
For this song in my heart tells me you are ‘the one’’
And with that proclamation she paid the ransom
A light shone ‘round Norbert; he turned tall, dark and handsome
And the garden was filled with the fairies’ choruses
Hymns of rejoicing and jolly Jackanories
A very merry time ago, a long, long way away
There once was a garden, underneath a mountain
Where the fairies came to play
Beneath that big hill Prince Norbert married Jill
And lived happy ever after; and they’re living there still
So, if you get up early on a midsummer’s morning
You may just hear their limericks and their Jackanories
Rude Magic for Boys
At the back of the cupboard under the stairs
Lays a book wrapped in leather somebody left there
That somebody’s now dead, so it sits there forgotten
It’s been there for years but it’ll never go rotten
For, you see, it’s a book of Rude Magic for Boys
Not for silly girls who play with their toys
T’was written by a magician, who loved to play pranks
Boiled spells in his cauldron, oh how they stank
He wrote them down while he was cooking
His apprentice stole them when he wasn’t looking
The apprentice ran away from the troublesome wizard
Who when saw what he’d done summoned a blizzard
The apprentice, who regretted having been so brave
Took shelter from the weather in a secret cave
When the storm abated he went back to his village
Gave the book to somebody who suddenly went missing
And although all the villagers came out to look
No sign could be found of him, or the book
So a council was held of the mysteries within
The apprentice wouldn’t tell, so they banished him
In its pages are spells to make grown-ups blush
To make all your bogies come out in a rush
To set your pants on fire; to make your toes curl
The one hundred and one best ways there are to scare girls
There was simply no end to the mischief it taught
How to make the school bully bust out in warts
How to change ice-cream into snail porridge
How to turn your worst teacher’s face bright orange
Or how to keep them on the toilet all day
For such a book how much would you pay?
‘Cos there’s always a cost to performing Rude Magic
Sometimes the consequences can be quite tragic
Like casting a spell when the moon is new
That curse, more than likely, will come back on you
If you get a spell wrong, it will be at your very peril
And before you know it you’ll beckon a devil
And that devil will want payment, take it from me
For disturbing him from his nice cup of tea
And if your wand is too small you’ll look like a fool
So be careful what you wish for, it might come after you
So here’s a good saying, a word to the wise
If you see that book you better close your eyes
It might be great fun to cause all that trouble
But you’ll get sent to bed without any supper
That somebody in this story was my best friend
And look what happened to him in the end
And I’m the apprentice, telling you to beware
Don’t go looking at books under the stairs
Or before you can say ‘Abracadabra’
Something really nasty might jump out and grab ya
At the back of the cupboard under the stairs
Lays a book wrapped in leather somebody left there
That somebody’s now dead, so it sits there forgotten
It’s been there for years but it’ll never go rotten
For, you see, it’s a book of Rude Magic for Boys
Not for silly girls who play with their toys
T’was written by a magician, who loved to play pranks
Boiled spells in his cauldron, oh how they stank
He wrote them down while he was cooking
His apprentice stole them when he wasn’t looking
The apprentice ran away from the troublesome wizard
Who when saw what he’d done summoned a blizzard
The apprentice, who regretted having been so brave
Took shelter from the weather in a secret cave
When the storm abated he went back to his village
Gave the book to somebody who suddenly went missing
And although all the villagers came out to look
No sign could be found of him, or the book
So a council was held of the mysteries within
The apprentice wouldn’t tell, so they banished him
In its pages are spells to make grown-ups blush
To make all your bogies come out in a rush
To set your pants on fire; to make your toes curl
The one hundred and one best ways there are to scare girls
There was simply no end to the mischief it taught
How to make the school bully bust out in warts
How to change ice-cream into snail porridge
How to turn your worst teacher’s face bright orange
Or how to keep them on the toilet all day
For such a book how much would you pay?
‘Cos there’s always a cost to performing Rude Magic
Sometimes the consequences can be quite tragic
Like casting a spell when the moon is new
That curse, more than likely, will come back on you
If you get a spell wrong, it will be at your very peril
And before you know it you’ll beckon a devil
And that devil will want payment, take it from me
For disturbing him from his nice cup of tea
And if your wand is too small you’ll look like a fool
So be careful what you wish for, it might come after you
So here’s a good saying, a word to the wise
If you see that book you better close your eyes
It might be great fun to cause all that trouble
But you’ll get sent to bed without any supper
That somebody in this story was my best friend
And look what happened to him in the end
And I’m the apprentice, telling you to beware
Don’t go looking at books under the stairs
Or before you can say ‘Abracadabra’
Something really nasty might jump out and grab ya
The Little Giant
Once upon a long ago, in a village not far away
Lived a little giant, just ten feet tall
Whose best mates called him Dave
His feet were the size of chopping boards
His hands were the size of spades
His legs reached right up to his bottom
And oh, what a smelly noise it made
Dave liked cabbage and onion pies, he ate them every day
But one day his trumps got so bad
That they had to send him away
‘Sorry’ the Mayor of the village said
‘But your stink’s turning our hair grey
Your farts have turned the milk yogurty
And the children won’t come out to play’
So off went Dave, the little giant, looking for a cure
‘I’ll go see the witch in the woods’ he thought
‘I bet she’ll have a cure for sure’
He told her of his problem bottom,
And how it brought tears to the eyes
Like something crawled up, died, and went rotten
And this was the old lady’s reply
‘Dave’ she said, ‘my name’s Chastity, look at my nose ring
I’ve got pebbles up both my nostrils
My dear, I can’t smell a thing
So, they fell in love and they got married,
All their friends came to wish them well
You can still see their house in the woods today
It’s just a shame about the smell
Once upon a long ago, in a village not far away
Lived a little giant, just ten feet tall
Whose best mates called him Dave
His feet were the size of chopping boards
His hands were the size of spades
His legs reached right up to his bottom
And oh, what a smelly noise it made
Dave liked cabbage and onion pies, he ate them every day
But one day his trumps got so bad
That they had to send him away
‘Sorry’ the Mayor of the village said
‘But your stink’s turning our hair grey
Your farts have turned the milk yogurty
And the children won’t come out to play’
So off went Dave, the little giant, looking for a cure
‘I’ll go see the witch in the woods’ he thought
‘I bet she’ll have a cure for sure’
He told her of his problem bottom,
And how it brought tears to the eyes
Like something crawled up, died, and went rotten
And this was the old lady’s reply
‘Dave’ she said, ‘my name’s Chastity, look at my nose ring
I’ve got pebbles up both my nostrils
My dear, I can’t smell a thing
So, they fell in love and they got married,
All their friends came to wish them well
You can still see their house in the woods today
It’s just a shame about the smell
There’s ‘Something’ in the Attic!
At night when you turn off the bedside lamp
You hear footsteps on the ceiling: Stamp! Stamp! Stamp!
There’s something in the attic, whispering your name
A creature of your nightmares that has never been tamed
It’s living in the shadows, creeping above your head
Eating the bugs in your mattress, sleeping under your bed
Quick! Turn around! But you know it won’t be there
It’s hiding in the darkness: It only comes out when you’re scared
When you wake up in the middle of the night
And feel the cold, cold shiver of fright! Fright! Fright!
There’s something in the attic, is it a monster or a ghost?
It’s what’s in your imagination that you should fear the most
But still, you can hear it! Tap! Tap! Tapping!
Like finger nails on floorboards; scratch! Scratch! Scratching!
Cold sweating now, you hear a terrible groan
Like something from a scary story, what a chilling moan
In the creepy silence you hear the ticking clock
The kitchen tap is leaking: Drop! Drop! Drop!
There’s something in the attic that’s wicked and ugly and cruel
That wants to grind your teeth up and chop your bones for fuel
Oh! It’s coming to get you! You can hear the stairs creak
You hide under the covers, you’re too afraid to speak
Suddenly the spell breaks, and you start to scream
Hoping that you’ll wake up soon, but this is not a dream
‘Oh, I’m sorry dear,’ your granny says, ‘I didn’t mean to scare you
I just got a little lost, love, I was looking for the loo’
‘What’s all the noise’ your mother says, ‘Mum, what you doing up?’
‘I needed a pee’ she replies, ‘stop making such a fuss’
Now you remember granny came, to stay a little while
You feel silly you got the willies, and now you start to smile
She came last week, this very hour, when Granddad passed away
And you know that he’s OK, you played catch with him yesterday!
At night when you turn off the bedside lamp
You hear footsteps on the ceiling: Stamp! Stamp! Stamp!
There’s something in the attic, whispering your name
A creature of your nightmares that has never been tamed
It’s living in the shadows, creeping above your head
Eating the bugs in your mattress, sleeping under your bed
Quick! Turn around! But you know it won’t be there
It’s hiding in the darkness: It only comes out when you’re scared
When you wake up in the middle of the night
And feel the cold, cold shiver of fright! Fright! Fright!
There’s something in the attic, is it a monster or a ghost?
It’s what’s in your imagination that you should fear the most
But still, you can hear it! Tap! Tap! Tapping!
Like finger nails on floorboards; scratch! Scratch! Scratching!
Cold sweating now, you hear a terrible groan
Like something from a scary story, what a chilling moan
In the creepy silence you hear the ticking clock
The kitchen tap is leaking: Drop! Drop! Drop!
There’s something in the attic that’s wicked and ugly and cruel
That wants to grind your teeth up and chop your bones for fuel
Oh! It’s coming to get you! You can hear the stairs creak
You hide under the covers, you’re too afraid to speak
Suddenly the spell breaks, and you start to scream
Hoping that you’ll wake up soon, but this is not a dream
‘Oh, I’m sorry dear,’ your granny says, ‘I didn’t mean to scare you
I just got a little lost, love, I was looking for the loo’
‘What’s all the noise’ your mother says, ‘Mum, what you doing up?’
‘I needed a pee’ she replies, ‘stop making such a fuss’
Now you remember granny came, to stay a little while
You feel silly you got the willies, and now you start to smile
She came last week, this very hour, when Granddad passed away
And you know that he’s OK, you played catch with him yesterday!
